TW: Alcohol abuse
Growing up, ice hockey was more than just a sport—it was a lifeline for Cristy Smyth. The rink became a place to find confidence, camaraderie, and a sense of identity. But even as hockey provided stability, anxiety loomed in the background, eventually reshaping the path forward. From stepping away from a collegiate hockey dream to confronting a reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism, Cristy's journey is one of resilience, self-discovery, and the power of seeking help. Today, with 11 years of sobriety, Cristy shares how embracing vulnerability and building a strong support system transformed life—and how others can find strength in their struggles
Can you share your background with us?
Growing up in Burlington, Massachusetts, I was a nervous kid who often struggled with confidence and connecting with others. Then I discovered ice hockey—a sport that changed everything. Joining the original group of girls to start our high school’s first girls’ ice hockey team, I found both friendship and a way to build my self-confidence. Eventually, I became team captain and was set to play at Quinnipiac University after graduation. But just weeks before move-in, severe panic attacks surfaced, shifting my plans entirely.
On move-in day, the anxiety became overwhelming, and I made a quick decision to attend Merrimack College instead, staying closer to home. Even then, I struggled with constant anxiety, and that’s when I discovered alcohol. Like many college students, I started drinking socially, but soon found that it took the edge off my anxiety. Drinking became a daily habit, a way to cope without realizing I was becoming dependent and self-medicating.
Discovering ice hockey was a turning point for you. How did the sport help you with your confidence, and what role did it play in your life?
Ice hockey was a turning point in my life because it helped me discover who I am. For the first time, I found something I was really good at, which allowed me to start trusting myself and my abilities. The sport gave me a place to build my confidence and feel proud of what I could accomplish. Just as importantly, hockey connected me to an amazing group of friends who truly supported one another both on and off the ice. The friendships and sense of teamwork helped me see the value in collaboration and support, which became essential in shaping the person I am today.
You mentioned you were set to play at Quinnipiac University before the anxiety became overwhelming. Can you describe the moments leading up to that decision and how you were feeling at the time?
Leading up to my decision not to attend Quinnipiac, I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety. I had anticipated that the transition would be challenging, but the reality was even harder than I imagined. For months, I was consumed by worry, feeling unprepared to manage the pressures of leaving home and stepping into a new environment. Without any real coping skills at the time, each day felt more intense, and I struggled to see a way forward. It was a deeply difficult moment where my anxiety felt bigger than any excitement I had for playing hockey, ultimately making the decision to stay closer to home.
After deciding to attend Merrimack College, your anxiety continued to affect you. When did you first turn to alcohol as a way to cope, and what did it feel like in the beginning?
When my childhood friends came home for Christmas break during my freshman year, they shared stories of all the fun they were having at school, including drinking. Up until that point, I’d never really been interested in alcohol—I was too focused on hockey to even think about it. But with my friends’ encouragement, I decided to try drinking with them that break, especially after they mentioned it could help take the edge off my anxiety. That first time, I felt a surprising sense of relief as my shoulders relaxed, and for the first time in a while, I felt less tense. It was then that I started using alcohol as a way to cope.
In the beginning, drinking felt harmless and even enjoyable. I could go out with my friends, have a good time, and the only consequence might be a hangover the next morning. But before long, things started to shift. I found myself drinking alone and even during the day. At the time, I had no idea these were warning signs that alcohol was starting to take control of my life.
You mentioned that alcohol helped you take the edge off your anxiety. At what point did you realize that drinking was becoming more than just a social habit?
About a year into my drinking, I started noticing a troubling pattern: I would often black out and wake up with no memory of what had happened the night before. It wasn’t just at parties; it happened almost every time I drank, even if I was just home watching TV. I realized I couldn’t control how much I was drinking once I started—it could be a couple of drinks, or it could turn into a full blackout, and I never knew which one it would be. That’s when it became clear that drinking was becoming more than just a social habit.
Sometimes, I’d go out with the best intentions, planning to have just one or two drinks with friends. But more often than not, I would overshoot the mark. I’d wake up the next morning, wondering, How did this happen again? I wasn’t going to drink this much! It felt like I was losing control, even when I promised myself it would be different each time. Those moments made me realize that drinking had started to take on a life of its own, beyond what I could manage.
Were there any moments/turning points where you recognized the consequences of alcohol on your mental and physical health, or did it feel like a gradual shift?
It was definitely a gradual shift. Even with the blackouts and the broken promises to myself, I still believed I was in control of my drinking. I couldn’t see that I had already lost the choice when it came to when and how much I was drinking. Somewhere along the way, I’d crossed a line into alcoholism, and there was no going back. It felt like it snuck up on me quietly, little by little, until I was deep in it without even realizing.
What steps did you take to confront your alcohol use, and what role did seeking help or support play in your recovery process? Have you found any mental health tools or coping mechanisms that work better for you now compared to turning to alcohol in the past?
When people close to me saw that my drinking was out of control, they held an intervention—just like you’d see on TV. That moment was a wake-up call, and I decided to go to a local rehab. There, I was introduced to a 12-step program that has been a lifeline for me ever since. My life today is unrecognizable from where it was then. I’ve been sober for 11 years, and in that time, I’ve found out who I am and built a deep confidence in my ability to transform my life.
Today, I find support in an amazing community of friends who truly understand me. I also work with a therapist, meditate, exercise, eat well, and, most importantly, talk about what’s going on in my life. I used to think I had to handle everything on my own, but now I know that being able to open up and be vulnerable with others is the best tool I have for coping with life. This journey has taught me that I’m never alone and that there’s strength in leaning on the right support.
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